emotional

I told my psychiatrist my life seems impossible right now. She said that's normal. My life would be impossible for anyone, she said.

She said, even if everyone in my life were healthy and happy, including me, my life would be challenging for most people. I have additional hurdles, and the playing field isn't level for me. And a lot of people in my life are not healthy and happy, the most important ones being my kids.

She said, forget school for right now. Your family needs you.

She said, push everything off the table except what you absolutely have to do. That will leave you space to handle the emergencies, and maybe even space for yourself.

Good advice. Maybe this will help me get out of bed easier in the morning knowing I only have to do x many things. I don't know.

The kids went with my parents to COSI this morning, and Scott and I set out for a long walk. We went to the park, the park of roses where we got married, and then sat outside along with other folks waiting for the library to open. Picked up a few books, a cd, and came home for lunch. It was really nice, because I felt like Scott and I connected, and spent quality time we haven't spent together in a while.

The rest of my day I plan to attack paperwork and email and get caught up.

Plus a family meeting tonight.

Last night a few of our good friends met Scott and I at Bucca di Beppo and we had a lovely Italian dinner. It was fantastic. I think I hurt Michael's ear (who was sitting next to me) with all of my shouting down the table.

So much fun.

Then we went on to Bob's Bar and had even more fun. I love my friends.

I was feeling much better when Scott came to pick me up for my date. We went to the Surly Girl, ate some good food and had some good beers and talked. I was really glad to have a good date to put me in a better mood.

I think one of the reasons my sleep schedule is out of whack this week is the time change. I didn't think of it until I was driving Scott's dad to the airport and he suggested it.

I'm compiling notes, and information from various books into an online "book:"

take a look: http://www.upsoclose.com/moody.

I did not realize that ALL of the following can often co-morbid or misdiagnosed because of similarity in symptoms:

1. ADHD
2. Bipolar Disorder
3. Tourette Syndrome
4. Asperger's

No wonder my friend Haddyr and I have similar experiences with our kids (her son has Tourette Syndrome and my kids have mood disorders and one has ADHD.

Today I am sick and tired of Tyler's behavior. She wanted to have chicken noodle soup for breakfast when I had that in mind for lunch. She threw a fit and screamed and stomped when I told her no.

Then she wanted to have peanuts. At least she handled that a little better, making animal noises and retreating to her bedroom.

I know this is part of our life with a bipolar child, but some days it just feels like part of life with a spoiled child. The only difference is that I never give in to that behavior so she has no reason to think it will be effective. She does it because she hasn't learned to control it.

It's so tiring. It makes ME want to react sometimes. It makes ME feel like stomping and throwing myself on the floor and convulsing like I'm having a seizure screaming like an animal, because I feel so helpless to find ways for her to deal with what she's feeling appropriately.

Because simply telling her this is an inappropriate response, this is blowing things way out of proportion, use your words to express your feelings, for heaven's sake it's just breakfast... none of that works.

So much to do today. It will be a good day though. I had to drag myself out of bed, but now I am happy that I did.

Tyler seems to be taking a turn for the worse. She's been feeling easily frustrated, and her moods have been fluctuating wildly.