moving

My bicycle is in Arlöv, and lately I've been thinking about riding it to work. My nerves might be a little shot just because I hate riding my bike on the street, but so many people do it here, I think drivers are more aware of cyclists.

The problem is that I would have to carry my bicycle up and down 5 flights of stairs each day if I wanted to guarantee no one takes it. I could lock it outside, but I'm afraid someone might steal it anyway.

The biggest question is how to get the bike back from Arlöv. It won't fit in anyone's car that I know.

So I need to ride it into Malmö. I don't know my way around the area I live in just yet and it's a good ride from Arlöv so I need to figure out my route.

Tayler is home today with a cough and she is so sick she is in bed still.

I am on the phone with the closest doctor's office and am number 9 in the queue. Then my cell phone went dead. Damn it!

Now I am back up to number 9. I hope we can get an appointment for her today.

I can't get the keys to the apartment until after work on Friday. This is really, really inconvenient.

We're about to board. I think I got most of the things done on my list. I lost the list though.

At the ticketing counter I started the cry. I called my brother and my parents and he didn't understand that they needed to meet me at the airport at 12 in order to say goodbye.

I cried until my luggage went through the x-ray machines.

It's just such an emotional thing.

Here are the things I have left to do:

1. deposit check
2. receipt for car sale for Scott
3. move stuff to the places I will store it
4. mail form 1583
5. sell van (won't happen until after I leave)
6. finish sorting stuff
7. give stuff away
8. change over phone account to Scott and return phones
9. change address on accounts
10. laundry?
11. turn domain for landscaper over to landscaper
12. ask Scott to sell my cell phones
13. put Rihanna on tayler's mp3 player
14. visit Jessica
15. put pictures on Bill's mp3 player
16. update ipod
17. cancel dinner with Mim
18. gather the twins and my things from around the house
19. return the target shoes if I have time
20. cancel gym membership
21. set up silfverduk.us and evilapple.org
22. return stuff to Scott
23. drop off van to Scott to sell
24. give away things to specific people

Tonight I said goodbye to the last of the friends who had time to gather with me at Bucca di Beppo. We laughed, I told my crazy Terri Lynn story, we talked, and at the end of the night I cried. It's not my fault, they made me do it. I just realized how lucky I am to have so many awesome friends and so many people supporting me and rooting for me, that I just cried and cried on the drive back.

I've been thinking a lot today about our move.

Things are lining up very nicely and I am really looking forward to a fresh start in Sweden.

It's been so freeing to shed all of the stuff I just don't need, or can replace later if I do need it.

It's been overwhelming to see how much art and writing and pictures I have saved throughout the years.

It's also been happy and sad. I see things from Scott when we first started dating. I see things I wrote that I am surprised now to see how relevant it is.

I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach. I'm not sure how to describe it. It's familiar, like hunger.

Am I scared? Yes.

Is that going to stop me? No.