sweden

I haven't really updated here much lately.

The last few days I have been feeling lonely for my friends and family in the States. I've been dreaming about them, remembering them, and wishing I was with them.

My life here in Sweden is good. The twins have the best medical care I could imagine for them. I have an excellent job. I am beginning to have a circle of friends I really love. Still, those people back in the States that I miss so much keep coming into my thoughts.

Christmas Eve in Sweden is the day you open presents. Santa comes to Sweden first before the rest of the world.

We spent Christmas Eve at Helena's house. We took the 2 to Södervärn, but then the bus to Helena's house came in an hour so we had to take a taxi to make it in time.

We watched Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck at 3. That's what you do here. Then the food came out.

It's heavy food. Meat and bread and more meat. We Americans are not used to it. We had coffee and opened presents and had dessert. Cream and rice and chocolate. I think my stomach was ready to walk out on me. All I wanted to do is sleep.

We gave Micke and Helena Need for Speed and everyone spent the night playing that or cheering whoever was playing when they wrecked into the cops.

I was lonely for home and friends, but more sick than anything. When we got home all of us wanted carbs to settle our stomachs. Bread, and noodles and potatos. Then we passed out from exhaustion.

Today is my YAY I HAVE AN APARTMENT party, and I'm barely ready. So much to do that I think I'm just going to put the extra things that haven't found a home in my room and hope no one really wants to look in there closely.

Mattias works every weekend until January, so he won't be here until later this evening. I hope it doesn't end up like my last party, where only Paul ended up staying longer than an hour (two friends came for a little bit early on but left when Paul got here).

Some moments today I have felt like I can't get this place ready for the party, and some moments today I have felt like this will pull together.

The new job is great so far. We have breakfast and coffee together every morning. There is a shared purpose for the team, and everyone is friendly. The week has been planned out specfically to train and familiarize us (two other employees have started as well) with the systems and possible ways to enhance or renovate them.

My mentor is fantastic. He makes these great sound effects when he is explaining things that really bring his stories to life.

Only one thing is overloading my brain. Everyone has been instructed to speak only in Swedish to me. They start to answer in English and I have to tell them to switch. This is the second day, and I have never been more tired in my life*!

In other news, I finally got help from social services. I am relieved, and happy that I will be able to get through the month until I am paid at the end of the month. I think that was getting me down so much I didn't even feel like writing anymore. Since I started work and got the news about the assistance, I finally feel 'ok.'

*With the exception of when I drove from Oregon to Ohio in three days.

So I was at social services today to find out if I can get assistance until my first paycheck from my new job.

I had my interview, ended up crying even though I didn't want to...

They told me to wait in the waiting room and they would be back to tell me the determination.

I waited and waited. The waiting room was slowly emptying until finally it was just me and a man in a white coat with a white scarf. He approached me, and I saw that he had a large wound on the side of his neck covered in gauze.

He asked me to use my phone. I said no, because I didn't know him and I didn't feel comfortable letting someone I don't know to use my phone. Besides I was in the waiting room because I CAN'T pay my bills, and CAN'T buy groceries, let alone for some strange man to use my phone.

He started telling me off, saying I wasn't nice, saying that God was watching, and no one will help someone who doesn't help others.

I told him I was there because I couldn't pay my own bills, I was there for help and I couldn't let him use my phone.

He said he was here for help too, and no one would help me, again. And again with the God is watching me.

Tayler has been having trouble at school still.

Two days in a row, the boys haven't let Tayler play football (soccer) with them because she is a girl. But she is really good, so it's really hurting her feelings.

Today when the teacher tried to intervene to let her play, the boys dropped the ball and left the field and left her by herself.

Tyler was at school one day when they were drawing body parts on the white board.

They drew breasts on a woman body, and when one of the boys wanted to draw a penis on the boy, he was told he wasn't allowed.

Tyler, who has assimilated to Swedish culture, was shocked. Breasts but no penises! What?

"Do every act of your life as if it were your last."

- Marcus Aurelius

Today is the day before Thanksgiving in the States. This would be the day I would be cleaning the house, probably buying supplies for dinner, and making some of the dishes so I could warm them later. I might even be making a pumpkin pie, and not forgetting to put in one of the ingredients like the twins did when they were making the pumpkin pie for Helena's Halloween party.

Tomorrow would be the day that I take the turkey and fight with it to get the gizzards out, and put it in the oven with a baking bag to keep the meat juicy. And I would be making my famous green bean casserole that everyone raves about.

I would be sitting down to dinner with my loved ones, and giving thanks for the things that are so wonderful in my life.

I'm not in the U.S. this year, and I can't afford to have a Thanksgiving dinner here, so I'm just going to list the things I am thankful for, like I do every year.

I am thankful for;

1. family, most especially the twins.
2. laughter, because without it I think life would be awfully dull.
3. friends, because of their kindness, sense of fun and humor, and most of all their ways of bringing my spirits up.

It makes me mad when people say I turned and ran like a scared rabbit. Maybe it was like an angry rabbit, who was running to go fight in another fight, away from the first fight.

- Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts

Tayler came home early yesterday because she had a really bad day at school. On Fridays, the kids in the preparatory class go to to the class they would normally be in and spend time there.

Yesterday she was outside at recess, and a gang of boys cornered her and called her names, pushed snow in her face and made fun of her for not speaking Swedish.

The ironic thing is that Tayler is pretty good at Swedish. And everyone likes Tayler. She's never had this sort of thing happen before. She did the right thing and found a teacher, but I couldn't help but feel terrible about the whole thing.

I was going to walk her to school to talk to her teachers about what happened, but she said that the teachers had helped her and did all they could for her. I'm going to call this afternoon after school instead.

Someone jumped up on top of the recycling building for our apartment and walked around on it. You can see their footprints walk out to a side of the building, and where they disturbed the snow to pull themselves up.

This is kind of amazing since this building isn't exactly 'climbable' in my opinion.

I am hooked on True Blood. According to the website, tonight is the season finale, at 3 AM our time. I want to see what is going to happen so bad!

It's the only thing keeping me going this evening.

I am really having a bad night.

Of course, of course, I sign up for the washroom that has one of the washers broken in it. DAMN.

I have so much cleaning to do today! I enlisted Tayler's help and she's being very helpful presently.

She's also helping with the laundry.

Being in this apartment on our own has had a very positive effect on Tayler. She sees that I am struggling to get everything done and she helps when I ask. I appreciate it so much.

Tyler is also doing fantastic- I asked her to clean the kitchen and she said ok without a fuss! She's going to take care of the whole thing!

It snowed all day today!

It was so pretty, but kind of unpleasant to be out in when I went to social services, and waited for Tyler at the bus stop, the snow blew into my eyes and I didn't like that.

I wish I could have taken some pictures during the flurry. Tayler and I were downtown trying to get the check from social services cashed and with the Christmas decorations starting to be put up and everyone bundled up walking around in the snow it was so wonderful.

I got 750 SEK (about 100 U.S. dollars) from Social Services to buy food until next Wednesday when I meet with a social secretary.

We have to go to the bank to cash the check, then shop at the cheap grocery store so we can get enough - LDL is kind of like ALDI in the U.S.

I can tell you, right at the moment, I feel like a huge loser.

I invited a few friends over for a small gathering tomorrow. It's a bring your own party where everyone is bringing a dish to contribute to a full dinner for everyone.

Hopefully everyone will bring alcohol to share with me too, because I could sure use a drink so I'm not a nervous wreck. One drink tonight and one tomorrow would be lovely. Unfortunately, we can't buy anything, because the 750 needs to stretch to Wednesday and the twins eat so much I am afraid the food will run out before then.

It snowed last night. It doesn't really snow in Skåne but it dusted enough to make make the tops of the buildings and homes white.

I called this morning to social services again. I was told to call a different number which ended up being the fax number to something. I called the Malmö Stad number and reached an woman who spoke little English who told me to call back at 9am. I tried to reason with her but she explained she was only an operator.

This is coupled with the bad news that the van is no longer worth 11,000. Scott took it to two places to sell it last night and it was appraised at 7,000. It makes me want to cry, because if it had been sold when I got the original appraisal then I would have had a lot more money.

It may sound petty, but with the debt that I have, and the position I am in, I just can't afford to take a loss like that.

I have to, however.

The kids saw the doctor yesterday, they have a team of four people working with each of them to help them with whatever psychological/emotional issues they have and to evaluate them.

I think if anything, that cemented my decision to be here more than anything else. Never in the U.S. would we be able to get nor afford that kind of care.

I am hopeful for the changes we are going to make, especially to get Tyler off of Lithium. The doctor and the nurses and psychologist were were very knowledgable and compassionate. I felt like crying after leaving the appointment. Finally the kids are going to get the help they need and deserve.

I suppose some of the times that I most need writing are the times I feel the least like doing so. Today is one of those days. I really only feel like sleeping in bed, but I'm going to go out to Helena's to keep myself up.

I have tons to write about, but I will stick with today.

I spent the morning changing my address and waiting for social services so I could explain my situation. When my number was called I went up and explained that I had lost my job, and I had two kids to support. They gave me a number to call (typical) so I walked home in the rain and cried in the elevator on the way to my floor.

Another phone number means I have stay on the phone for a long time waiting for someone to answer my call, using minutes on my cell phone since I don't have a home phone right now. Another phone number means I have to try and navigate another Swedish phone system in fast Swedish that leaves me unsure of what number to press. Another phone number means more delays in getting assistance.

I have a job starting December 1. I am a member of the union so that I won't be in this situation again (let go without cause), so the future is brighter.

So my house is cleaner and I feel a little better.

I'm making progress on the dishes.

Best friend Paul is coming over to give me his old DVD player that he and his wife had before friends gave them a new fancy one.

We're going to wash socks in the bathtub to get us through the week.

The only down side so far today?

I bumped my lip on one of the kid's heads the other day when we were horsing around and it refuses to heal.

We called the wrong clinic, and by the time we got to the right one we spent a half an hour as caller 9 in the queue before I realized I was really burning cell phone minutes. We'll try calling again tomorrow if she feels any worse.

Right now she feels so/so. Better than this morning, but still sick.

Tayler is home today with a cough and she is so sick she is in bed still.

I am on the phone with the closest doctor's office and am number 9 in the queue. Then my cell phone went dead. Damn it!

Now I am back up to number 9. I hope we can get an appointment for her today.