tayler

I had been thinking of taking a trip in March to see family, celebrate my birthday and do a few necessary errands. Among them is to gather my documentation for my taxes which is not properly organized, and renew my driver's license. I had hoped to bring the twins along with me, but I suppose that will have to wait for another time, with costs being prohibitive. I am almost back on my feet, but not quite enough to be able to bring the twins along with me.

A few more things and then seriously, I am not going to post anymore tonight.

1. I quit smoking. Cold turkey. Today I was in such a bad mood about it I bought some nicotine gum. Since I wasn't really smoking that much in the first place, I got the lowest dose, and have had two pieces today. It's not as bad as I remember it being.
2. We went to have Tyler's med levels tested today and by the time we got to the right place to have the test done, we had to go home because it was too late to have an accurate test.
3. The apartment is a bit of a war zone from Christmas, cooking, and general laziness of the holiday. We are cleaning tomorrow, thank goodness.
4. Christmas time means amateur fireworks in Malmö. They've been going off over the last 8 days.
5. The day started out kick ass, got crappy, and then got better. I'm hoping it levels out to good in the end.
6. I really, really miss karaoke.
7. There is no number 7.
8. I hope I get a chance to talk to some people tonight.

Mattias suggested we take the bus up to the Kockum recreation center and play some football (soccer for you Americans).

We were in emergency mode at home having run out of toilet paper AND paper towels, so when we saw an ICA that was open near Värnhem we jumped off the bus and ran inside for some TP to take home.

It took a while to get our bearings when we got off the bus at Kockum, and a while to find the field because we were in awe of the climbing rocks and skate park. By the time we hit the field, Tayler was cold and wanted to go home. We could see our breath in the air, and Tyler and I took off our coats and warmed up for playing.

There were rabbit droppings on the field and Tayler claimed to dislike playing on rabbit poo, so she took the bus home early.

Tyler and I stayed for an hour while she taught me tricks and I made her run after me and teased her. Then she wanted to play on this really cool playground that I wished I had my camera with me to take photos.

It was a nice Christmas day all in all. We had some rough spots, but overall, a great day.

Christmas Eve in Sweden is the day you open presents. Santa comes to Sweden first before the rest of the world.

We spent Christmas Eve at Helena's house. We took the 2 to Södervärn, but then the bus to Helena's house came in an hour so we had to take a taxi to make it in time.

We watched Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck at 3. That's what you do here. Then the food came out.

It's heavy food. Meat and bread and more meat. We Americans are not used to it. We had coffee and opened presents and had dessert. Cream and rice and chocolate. I think my stomach was ready to walk out on me. All I wanted to do is sleep.

We gave Micke and Helena Need for Speed and everyone spent the night playing that or cheering whoever was playing when they wrecked into the cops.

I was lonely for home and friends, but more sick than anything. When we got home all of us wanted carbs to settle our stomachs. Bread, and noodles and potatos. Then we passed out from exhaustion.

I signed up for the wrong day for laundry (Friday instead of Saturday).

We all showed up an hour early to Lucia fika at Paul and Jenny's.

Man, my timing is off.

These things are going awesome, since we arrived in Sweden:

1. Tyler likes school. She even wakes up right away to get ready because she is so excited to go. No more screaming in the morning, no more dragging her out of bed, no more fighting to get her to do homework.
2. They are learning Swedish like sponges.
3. The twins are at entirely separate schools so they don't live in each other's shadows and have totally separate friends.
4. Tyler doesn't cry or fuss about taking her medication at night anymore.
5. Tyler doesn't cry or fuss in general that much. I see it happening infrequently, usually when she is overstimulated (a large gathering with lots of adults and kids for example).
6. The psychiatric team at the University of Lund works carefully with the twins on their individual issues. They ask the girls how they feel. They have us keep records. They have advocates that can come with me to meet with teachers to explain ways of supporting the twins. They are getting the best care I have ever seen for their psychological and emotional conditions.
7. Tayler is sleeping better. She actually falls asleep without calling out for me several times like before.
8. I am, admittedly, not doing a fantastic job of keeping my home, but it's relatively neat, and I keep up with things that need doing.

This year we will be spending Christmas at Helena and Micke's house. I'm really limited as far as gifts this year, so I've got to get creative on gifts.

I got a message from my cousin Gunilla in Stockholm, written in Swedish, that I think is asking me to come up during Christmas, but I haven't had time to read and translate it properly. Since I do have two weeks off, maybe we could go to visit some time if they will have us.

As far as gifts go, I usually make gift baskets or tins, or kits or something that pulls different items together for my friends. I can't even begin to think of what I could do this year for the twins, Helena, Micke, and Linnea. I'd like to give presents to all of my family and friends, but I just can't this year.

Tayler has been having trouble at school still.

Two days in a row, the boys haven't let Tayler play football (soccer) with them because she is a girl. But she is really good, so it's really hurting her feelings.

Today when the teacher tried to intervene to let her play, the boys dropped the ball and left the field and left her by herself.

"Do every act of your life as if it were your last."

- Marcus Aurelius

Today is the day before Thanksgiving in the States. This would be the day I would be cleaning the house, probably buying supplies for dinner, and making some of the dishes so I could warm them later. I might even be making a pumpkin pie, and not forgetting to put in one of the ingredients like the twins did when they were making the pumpkin pie for Helena's Halloween party.

Tomorrow would be the day that I take the turkey and fight with it to get the gizzards out, and put it in the oven with a baking bag to keep the meat juicy. And I would be making my famous green bean casserole that everyone raves about.

I would be sitting down to dinner with my loved ones, and giving thanks for the things that are so wonderful in my life.

I'm not in the U.S. this year, and I can't afford to have a Thanksgiving dinner here, so I'm just going to list the things I am thankful for, like I do every year.

I am thankful for;

1. family, most especially the twins.
2. laughter, because without it I think life would be awfully dull.
3. friends, because of their kindness, sense of fun and humor, and most of all their ways of bringing my spirits up.

It makes me mad when people say I turned and ran like a scared rabbit. Maybe it was like an angry rabbit, who was running to go fight in another fight, away from the first fight.

- Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts

Tayler came home early yesterday because she had a really bad day at school. On Fridays, the kids in the preparatory class go to to the class they would normally be in and spend time there.

Yesterday she was outside at recess, and a gang of boys cornered her and called her names, pushed snow in her face and made fun of her for not speaking Swedish.

The ironic thing is that Tayler is pretty good at Swedish. And everyone likes Tayler. She's never had this sort of thing happen before. She did the right thing and found a teacher, but I couldn't help but feel terrible about the whole thing.

I was going to walk her to school to talk to her teachers about what happened, but she said that the teachers had helped her and did all they could for her. I'm going to call this afternoon after school instead.

Today, Millan was taken back to the kennel. She has been growling and biting at the kids, and Micke and Helena decided that they couldn't keep her any longer. If they couldn't trust Millan with the kids, they had to take her back, maybe find a better home for her.

I know this is a hard day for Micke, Helena and Linnea. My thoughts are with them.

The kids saw the doctor yesterday, they have a team of four people working with each of them to help them with whatever psychological/emotional issues they have and to evaluate them.

I think if anything, that cemented my decision to be here more than anything else. Never in the U.S. would we be able to get nor afford that kind of care.

I am hopeful for the changes we are going to make, especially to get Tyler off of Lithium. The doctor and the nurses and psychologist were were very knowledgable and compassionate. I felt like crying after leaving the appointment. Finally the kids are going to get the help they need and deserve.

It feels weird not to be going to work tomorrow. I'll have to make myself a schedule so I know I won't be sleeping all day (if you know me, you know I am tempted to do that when I'm not working).

Best friend Paul came over and brought the DVD player. It's not a multi-region player, so I still need to get a cable for the computer so I can play movies and DVDs that are from the States.

Smile moment of the day: Best friend Paul teaching Tayler how to salsa in the kitchen.

Tayler and I spent election day at home. She was sicker today than all days previous so I took her to the doctor.

They prescribed penicillin for her and sent us on our way.

I'm glad I've already voted.

Now I am packing like a crazy woman. T minus 13 hours before I take off for the U.S.

We called the wrong clinic, and by the time we got to the right one we spent a half an hour as caller 9 in the queue before I realized I was really burning cell phone minutes. We'll try calling again tomorrow if she feels any worse.

Right now she feels so/so. Better than this morning, but still sick.

Tayler is home today with a cough and she is so sick she is in bed still.

I am on the phone with the closest doctor's office and am number 9 in the queue. Then my cell phone went dead. Damn it!

Now I am back up to number 9. I hope we can get an appointment for her today.

We are here in the new apartment. There is a lot to do, and I feel slightly overwhelmed.

I moved Friday, and ended up I missing the whole Halloween party.

Yesterday I went back to Helena's to get the rest of my things, and she hooked me up with some more things I need.

Micke let me borrow the car to drive everything over, and we also need to make a trip to IKEA. We went yesterday but at 17:00 and it was only an hour before it closed.

Today we're going to unload the rest of the car (we were tired and hungry when we got home), go to IKEA and return the car.

I have my work cut out for me organizing the things that were left here and making sure I have enough room for the new things we need. The bedrooms were not fully furnished- only beds remained, so we definitely need to change that.

I'll post pictures once I get things unpacked.

Tayler came in from walking Millan this morning and sat down at the table.

"I am SO mad at Millan."

We all wanted to know why.

"Because she tripped me twice."

Micke thought Tayler said 'tricked,' "She said: TRICK OR TREAT!"

"No, tripped. She's so clumsy."

It's moving day.

I have the day off. I haven't packed a lick, but I didn't really bring anything but clothes* with me. I've been avoiding the packing part. I've been wanting to spend time with everyone here instead. It shouldn't take too long, but the getting stuff there is a challenge without Micke's car.

Tonight is Helena's Halloween party. She wants pumpkin pie for it, so we will be making some today.

I'm going to cry today. I can just feel it. Living with Helena and Micke: this has been my home. I'm going to miss them so much. I am definitely going to come over a lot. (Just so you know, Helena).

Today we woke up and started laughing. We laugh together so much.

I'm going to miss this.

*and accessories like shoes and jewelry.

Tayler was telling Tyler something and was opening and closing her large purple journal.

Then she closed it on her nose.

"OW!"

"Did you learn something from that?" Micke said.

"What?" Tayler said, confused.

"Be careful about where you put your nose."